So I ventured out to just west of Queen Street West and Tecumseth and hit up The Queen’s Head. Ok. Wait. First and foremost…I’m not even sure if I was at the Queen’s Head. The Queen’s Head was technically just over a block east from this place (751 Queen Street West) and closed down years go. The menus said “The Queen’s Head” but a friend recently told me that it was called something else…but I’m not going to front; the only reason I walked into this place was because of the Labatt’s 50 banners they had hanging outside.

I was reading the menu I was looking for some eats and having a hard time to decide…then my girlfriend pointed out that they had a poutine hidden in the “Sides” on the bottom back of the menu…WHAT THE SHIT? Poutine should be bolded on the front page! FRONT PAGE! … Ok. I’m joking…well…half joking. What I’m not joking about is what was had at this impromptu poutinage.

Queen'sHead

Right form the get go – grated cheese. ugh. I guess a plus is that it was a variety of 2 or 3 cheeses. It’s kind of hard to tell when it’s a myriad of flavors – all I know is that there was white and orange cheese…whatever. I don’t care. It was grated and subsequently lost my attention. Sounds odd, but it’s really not uncommon for something that is (arguably) trivial to just make me lose interest almost immediately and are basically just write-offs; Record stores that don’t sell vinyl, poutines made with graded cheese, people who legitimately think that emo has to do with Fall Out Boy and boys with black eye-liner.

Big Stretch

I don’t even know what to say about the gravy to be honest. Well that’s not true…I do know what to say but not in a way that it would be entertaining. It tasted like brown extra salted butter and had the consistency of hollandaise sauce. Maybe it was old hollandaise sauce? … I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. Also, while on the topic of toppings – why is it that the shadier the place looks, the more likely they are to throw like parsley or some sort of decorative herb on top of the poutine? Who are you trying to kid? Everyone in here know that it’s not a classy joint – most of the patrons are less than classy themselves – so why are you trying to front on us? If there is anything I learned from Big L it’s that frontin does not bode well. “Ayo – I shoulda been out / I’m deadly when I pull the pin out / Keep frontin / I’ma try yo chin out”.  IT DOES NOT BODE WELL!

Solidified Cheese

Last, and I guess least, is the fries. Not feeling these frozen fries that are deep-fried. What more can I say? We’ve been through this…and I’m sad to say that we’re not through with this. Most places will never learn…

Some of you may have noticed that there was no mention of layering thus far. The reasoning behind this is “The Queen’s Head’s” interesting take on “layering” – a single sheet of fries on a deceivingly shallow plate (see below). BUZZ KILL! The poutine was $4.99 so I guess that I should not be complaining to much – but still.

THE Layer

One thing that I kept saying over and over again while sipping on a (skunky) pint of 50 was “this dish would be awesome if I was wasted and just looking for substance”. I still stand by that too. The dish would be ok at like midnight after six of seven pints.

Total side note: Here’s a really bad photo of the utensil that I was given to get my eat on:

If anyone reading this knows where to get some of these pseudo-switchblade looking utensils, please email me at curdsade@gmail.com. Please and thank you.